Life Stats I Wish I Knew

In an age where the boundaries of our privacy are continually eroded,

our little lives are sitting out there like open books,

pages flapping wildly in the digital winds.

Our world hasn’t just changed; it has swelled into an ever-expanding black hole of personal information.

Confidentiality is getting increasingly harder to come by.

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Instagram knows more about many of us than our own family does. Our personal array of data and preferences has grown to near critical mass.

This is a fact that I’ve grown to accept.

The reality that I’ll probably never have complete privacy, but at least if everyone else is an open book, maybe it’s not so bad.

However, I think there’s some key information still being left out from this equation.

The data that Instagram has yet to take an interest in.

I figure, if we’re all going to be an open book anyway, at least let me see ALL the data. Some “Life Stats” if you will.

I’ve been thinking about this idea for awhile now, here it is:

Have you ever been playing a video game for hundreds, even thousands of hours? I know I have.

If you have, you’ll likely have delved into the personal stats, which shows your all time stats whether it’s all time kills, assists, or if you play Rocket League like me, shots, aerials, saves, etc.

So, instead of all that crap, I wish I had stats for things like total bananas eaten, total hugs, total pancakes, but not just that, you can see how many pancakes you’ve eaten for each year of your life! Wouldn’t this be sick? You could see how many EGGOS have gone into your body over the course of childhood! Information I WANT- — No, NEED to see!!

Not only that, you could see how many miles you’ve ridden your bike, how many laughs you’ve shared with friends, how many naps have you taken this year?

The obvious issue is the method of tracking all this data. There’s always a price to pay for progress.

Thus, we’d have to fully commit to our collective dream of becoming cyborg machine people, complete with a personal companion that can track our every move.

Would it be worth surrendering our human form for the vast array of stats?

Shit, I don’t know if I’d be the first guy to try it, but what could go wrong?

Ideally you would be able to own all of your data which can’t be sold to advertisers. HA.

Here’s a comprehensive list (in order of importance):

• Socks Lost — Total mysterious disappearances of single socks.
• Awkward Handshakes —All those times handshakes just didn’t sync up.
• Déjà Vu Moments — Feeling like you’ve definitely been here before.
• Couch Dives — All those times you’ve dug into the sofa for lost items.
• Hair Disasters— Times you’ve experimented with your hair and immediately regretted it.
• Waters Chugged — All that life juice funneled into your brain.
• Piss Breaks Taken — That juice needs to go somewhere.
• Fake Smiles — Smiling through awkward or boring conversations.
• Burgers consumed — Total greasy meat sandwiches shoved in.
• Craps Taken-The result of all those burgers.
• Chicken strips taken down — I can’t get enough.
• Soccer passes scuffed — All those passes that didn’t hit the mark.
• Parking minutes- All those minutes wasted looking for a nice place to stop your expensive personal vehicle.
• Books started — All those books with so much promise at the beginning.
• Books completed — All the books that actually got finished.
• Tons of trash created — Our personal record of discarded wrappers, endless packaging, and general waste accumulated.

Of course this list would be different for each individual and what they like to do.

But, even in an age when it seems as if our true experience in life has been turned into a constant commodity, there’s still more to be found by following this path.

Embracing the Absurdity In this whirlwind of data, where every click and scroll is cataloged, perhaps there’s a strange comfort in wanting to know more of the mundane and bizarre stats of our lives.

Sure, the idea of becoming data-tracked cyborgs is outlandish, but isn’t there a part of us that’s curious about the un-quantified aspects of our existence?

The truth is, as we wade through this digital age, the line between privacy and public domain continues to blur. We’re trading bits of ourselves every day, sometimes unknowingly, all for the convenience and connectivity of modern life.

Yet, in this vast exchange, there’s something inherently human about wanting to know the trivial details of our existence — the craps taken, the socks lost, the laughs shared.

As we think about the reality of being tracked 24/7, let’s not lose sight of the narrative we’re creating. Maybe the stats we truly need are the ones that remind us of our shared humanity, the moments that make life oddly beautiful and uniquely ours.

So, as we stand at this crossroads in privacy and exposure, let’s choose our path wisely. Whether we embrace the cyborg dream or hold onto our purely analog selves, let’s ensure the story we’re writing is one worth reading.

Thanks,

— Rhett…